Kids Life Jacket

- Check for grammar mistakes? pls? ( book jacket)?
“The Sign of the Beaver” is a very adventurous book. It is entertaining and yet very realistic. Kids ages 10-12 will absolutely enjoy this magnificent book. The story is well written and is very interesting. It also has many actions in it that will keep you reading it the whole day. I recommend this book because it tells you about Indians and wilderness survival. It also teaches you how to survive in a wilderness. It even tells you about how the life would be in the 1700’s. Reading this book can teach you many important things. Also, this book can make you think of what is going to happen next. This means that this book can be exciting! This is a book review fr my book jacket :D So if there is grammar mistakes, can u pls fix it thnx! “The Sign of the Beaver” is a very adventurous book. It is entertaining and yet very realistic. Kids ages 10-12 will absolutely enjoy this magnificent book. The story is well written and is very interesting. It also has many actions in it that will keep you reading it the whole day through. I recommend this book because it tells you about Indians and wilderness survival. It also teaches you how to survive in a wilderness. It even tells you about how the life would be in the 1700’s. Reading this book can teach you many important things. Also, this book increases your knowledge in the outdoors. It shows how the Whites and Native Americans got along trying to live with each other. So, this book is a really great, fantastic book to read. I really enjoyed this book. Is this better now? Sure!!!!!! ☺☻ -----------------------------------------------------

A Well, the vocabulary seems very simplistic, but just grammar-wise, the only problem I see is "the whole day". It's incomplete - you need "the whole day through", or perhaps "all day". It just doesn't fit with what's before it. I'd also suggest revising, "It also has many actions in it", because it's unclear whether you mean action sequences or just verbs in general. Perhaps you could just revise the entire sentence to be, "It's action-packed pages will keep you entertained for hours." or, "It's action-packed pages will keep you hooked for days." Personally, vocabulary-wise, I'd revise it so that it showed the reader, through adjectives and adverbs, rather than outright stating something (like, "this book can be exciting"). However, if you're using a quote from someone else, you can't revise their words, and even if you could, it would be insulting to do so. edit: If it's a quote from you, I'd be more than happy to give you a version of how I'd put it, if you'd like. Edit: Yes, it's much better.

- could you please review my story im writing its only one short chapter let me know what you think....?
thanks its is the first story ive ever written just for a laugh too see if i was any good at it excuse the spelling and bad grammar thanks again opening chapter;;;;;;* the dank smell of the damp bedding ,the dim light from the small lantun hanging from the ceiling BANG!!! the door bursts open as a tall man face wrapped with a scarve grabs ben firmley and takes him too anouther room ; who ever thort poor ben would end up here here in this prison ,ben was a happy boy at home and had a carismer about him he was popular at school and had many freinds who enjoyed his company he was cheeky with his teachers who found his charm quite entertaning plus he always managed to get his work done so they dident mind at all ,pehaps it was this cheekiness and curiousity towards outhers that landed him in this terribble place. first chapter;;;;;;;;;;;;* mr's kerry sims was at home that afternoon she had finished her shift early that day so she could get ready for her anaversary dinner with her husbend who would be ariving shortley ,ted sims kerry's husband was at the railway station were he worked he loved the railway station it was a place he could escape too all his closest freinds worked there alongside him ,he had worked at british rail for the past 12 years since he left school at 17 and loved every minite of it he hadent missed a day's work in his whole life he worked on the line itself useually with a crew of 7 or 8 mending broken tracks carrying out saftey checks and clearing trees and outher debree's from harms way he had dreams of becoming a driver but never managed to pass the stringent tests mainly due to his poor eyesight but it never really botherd him he was a modest man and enjoyed the jokes and banter of his freinds on the line, ,they were a close group and regulery enjoyed a drink at there local pub after work much to the discust of there wives not arriving home till late not helping with the kids and wakeing them up as they stagger drunk up too there beds but that was the way of it these guy's were men ,real men ben looked up to his dad alot he was his hero he was tall and strong with giant hands that could crush rock's and lift up the trains high into the sky ,well acording to ben anyway he always did have a vived imagination probabley due to being an only chiled not that he dident have alot of freinds but there was only so much a nine year old can get up too when at home with his parents so his mind often drifted. Ted! Ted!, ted looked round walking towards him was an office worker dressed in a clean crisp blue suit and polished leather shoes he found this odd as people from the office's never spoke too the line's--men they were a different breed they were weak, guppies in suites and ted had alway's felt they looked down on him standing there in his bright yellow reflective jacket and batterd old boots he feared for the worsed a train crash or even job cuts mybe either way he was behind schedule already and kerry would kill him if he missed there dinner arrangments ,the office worker got closer and seemed to slow down almost scared too approuch ted who wasent an angry person or known for being a trouble maker ,ted sighed and put on a fake smile as a sign of respect to his fellow co--worker ;ted,ted sims? im john from the office weve had a call from the police somthing about your son ben ,ted cut him off straight away,; what about him ,why whats happend?; they dident say mate ,replied john they said for you to waight here and they would be coming to pick you up ,;ok john cheer's ,said ted muttering somthing under his breath as the office man walked away back too his cossy office ,ted was worried and anxious on the inside tho ,even if he dident show it ben had never been in trouble before mybe he was hurt even . again very bad spelling/grammer only a very rough draft thanks

A i wont complain about the appalling spelling and grammar because i think you are aware of this already, as you said at the beginning and end. as long as this is corrected, i think you should continue. you seem to have some interesting stuff going on up in your head! i loved the comparison between the man in the neat suit and the man with the battered boots. i can pick out various other parts which i liked. BUT; i think that to reveal that the boy is in prison in the first chapter is going too fast. it gives too much away in just a few sentences. i think to make it more interesting, describe the place- the dim colors, dank smells and the general bleakness of it- without telling the reader it's a prison. it will add suspense- could it be a sewer? an abandoned mine/cellar/castle? could it be his house?!? see what i mean? also, you need to improve your dialogue a little. i think that you could add much more suspense by doing this. don't make it necessarily longer, that would just drag, but make it more clear. make each person who speaks have a reason for talking, make each dialogue necessary. good luck. you need to do a lot of editing, but don't give up on it. all first drafts are rough and unready. all you need is organization in your writing. it will make it easier for you to write, and easier for us to read!